I chuckled at the story my friend Alison (not her real name) told me about the parent of an international student. Alison works at a well-known boarding school. She recently met the new international students arriving at her school and oversaw their orientation. Most of them and their parents had never been overseas before this. Alison reports that everything went well until Day 2 when a mother dripping in Gucci approached her and demanded that her daughter be given better accommodations. She had $100,000 cash and would this help Alison agree to her request? Alison demurred and said she couldn't make that decision herself but that she knew who could. The headmaster sprang to the rescue and the school is now $100,000 richer.
Helicopter parents. You've got to love them. Having raised four children and sent them all to private school, I totally understand the desire to protect my little darlings from all the dangers and horrible people out there. But I quickly learned, as most of us do, that my kids had to learn to fly for themselves. Yes, I will admit to proofreading admissions essays. But I never wrote them. Yes, I insisted that they do their homework but I never did it for them. Did I swoop into the headmaster's office from time to time feathers all puffed up to full fighting form over some real or imagined transgression? Sure did.
What do you think of helicopter parents? Twitter your comments to me at PRIVATESCHL or append them to this blog.
Comments
That headmaster needs a spinal transplant.
My answer to the helicopter parent with the 100,000 bucks burning a hole in her purse:
“Ma’am — do you really want your daughter to be a pariah? If we give her these extra things, it will be like putting a bulls-eye on her back. Every kid in the school will resent it.
However, if you are willing for that $100,000 to patch and paint all the dorms, or redo all the mouldy showers, then we can talk. That gives to everyone, we’ll put up a plaque in the hallway, and your daughter reap the benefit of your generosity.
I worked in private schools one way or another for 30 years.
In general I resent parents who want special privileges for their child. This includes being pulled out of class to go on holiday during the term.
Parents who try to make life easy for their kids, are thwarting their growth. Kids have to skin their knees, scrape their hearts. It’s part of growing up. If we try to stop this, we turn them into a bonsai kid: Ancient, dwarfed, rootbound, unable to live without special care.
The best we can do is try to tell them of our mistakes, let them make their own mistakes, and be ready to pick up the pieces when they do.
We can provide training wheels while they learn to ride a bike, but we have to take the wheels off at the end of the week.
We can teach them how to ride safely, insist on a helmut, but we have to let them ride to the corner store to pick up milk for the family.
We can warn them about child predators, and give them a cell phone to call home, but they have to learn to take the bus to school on their own.
For a parent sending a kid to a boarding school is a tough decision. You have to trust that they know what they are doing.
Get involved with your school. No problem. Interfere with the way the customs and rules of the school interact with your kid, then you are a PITA to the staff, and you are interfering with your child’s education.